A little sweeter
October 30, 2011Little did I know I would say goodbye to Winona Lake only to say hello again a few months later. I started a position on Monday at the Bowen Center – a community mental health clinic in Warsaw. The last week was spent in training and felt like I was asked to drink from a fire hydrant of information. I’m currently living with my extremely generous aunt and uncle as I look for a place to call home. I need to make more phone calls today.
I definitely hadn’t planned on moving back this direction, but apparently God had a different plan, which is okay since His usually tend to be better than mine. It’s good to be back, with some definite “hard” mixed in. I’m glad to be closer to some friends living in the area, but it also turns my thoughts to friends who are in the area no more. And that reminds me of how much I miss them.
Needless to say, this transition has been hard. This past summer I felt like I said an overwhelming number of goodbyes. Goodbye to classmates and the consistency of school. Goodbye to some friends that became so dear to me. Goodbye to relationships that will not end, but will look significantly different. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m complaining because that’s far from my intent. It’s been a season of learning to let myself grieve. It’s been a time of learning to live in the freedom of not having to “be okay” all of the time, knowing He doesn’t shame me for it. Yet I’ve also been challenged to grieve with hope; to believe God when He says He’s near to the broken hearted; to believe God when He says He cares and will provide; to believe God when He says He loves me and has GOOD things in store for me. It’s also been a time of grieving without losing sight of the mile long list of things I have for which to give Him thanks. For some reason, I think those things become a little sweeter in the land of letting go, just like His presence becomes sweeter in seasons of gray, cloudiness. It’s funny how often I can’t wait to get beyond these seasons, yet something in me doesn’t want to say goodbye to the closeness I feel to God in these places. May I learn to walk closely next to Him in all seasons, passing through all places on this journey. I hope this has been a time of learning to draw closer to Him, having a little more faith in Him, and trusting His good heart towards me.
