God of our life. There are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down. When the road seems dreary and endless, the skies gray and threatening. When our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with light; turn our eyes to where the skies are full of promise. Tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age. And so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to your honor and glory.
New earrings.
Fun times on a photo scavenger hunt.
Coffee and good, affirming conversation with a wise woman.
A postcard from Nepal sent by a precious sister.
A funny card from a kindred spirit.
Emails from dear friends.
Classes about resumes, neurotransmitters, and attachment styles.
Cool, rainy, fall days.
New music.
Papa Johns pizza.
Time with my mom.
Late nights with friends. Including karaoke.
The gym.
Health.
Stretching conversation.
Hope.
Sleeping in tomorrow…
It’s 1:52 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’m guessing it’s my own fault. I drank an iced mocha around 5:00 this, I mean, yesterday evening. It’s raining outside, and storming a little bit. I like the sound of that. I like falling asleep to those sounds, but I guess not tonight.
I spent some time at home earlier this month. My younger sister left for Nepal last week, so I’m grateful I was able to spend time with her, and my mom. I arrived back in Winona Lake last Thursday, and then left Saturday for Cleveland. Lindsey (my roommate/good friend) and I went to visit some friends. We had a marvelous time.
I started work again last Monday. It’s taken me a while to get back into my working groove after having had about 3 weeks off. Slowly but surely I’m readjusting. I start school next week. I’m taking three classes – Lifestyle and Career Counseling, Addictions Counseling, and Psychotherapy with Children and Adolescents. I’m looking forward to learning about these things, just not the stress that accompanies school.
The ministry I work for runs on an academic schedule, so this is really the beginning of a new year for us. There has been a lot of change this fall. I’ve counted about 8 of my friends who moved (or are moving soon). Four of them internationally. I’m so grateful they have these opportunities, but their near presence will be quite a loss.
The grass always seems greener on the other side. I would love an adventure like moving to another country for a while, and many people have told me they wish they had the stability I have. So I’m asking what it looks like for contentment to co-exist with hope. What does it look like to live in the present while anticipating good things to come?
So for now, I want to be a good steward of the time I have, the opportunity to be studying what I want to do when I grow up in a place and with people I love and enjoy. I want to embrace this season and glean as much as I can from it. God has placed things for me to look forward to in the coming days. My mom is coming for lunch tomorrow, a good friend will visit Winona Lake this weekend, another good friend will come next week, and I can think of other things I’m looking forward to as well. I think a spirit of gratitude is part of the answer to my question. I pray a spirit of gratitude increases in me.
I’m going to try and go to sleep. We’ll see if it works this time.
Today, I had coffee with a good friend.
It was life to me. She was life to me. Her words and time were life to me.
I am grateful to You, Father, for giving me life today.
I’m sitting at my desk at the MasterWorks Festival office with three dear friends and co-workers eating peanut m&ms. Most of our students leave tomorrow. This month has gone so fast, as has the rest of my year. I notice I haven’t written since the last MasterWorks Festival, so in five sentences or less, let me catch you up a bit. I started and finished my first year of grad school (a master’s in counseling), and have made some good friends as a result. I’ve never enjoyed school as much as I am enjoying studying counseling here at Grace. I’m still working at the Christian Performing Artists’ Fellowship along with school, and am still really enjoying my job. I got back from Ireland a few weeks ago, after having spent a week in that great country with two dear friends from college and my sister (who’s also a dear friend). And now I am finishing another summer of being on staff with the MasterWorks Festival – a five week, intensive study program for dancers, actors, and musicians. Okay – that was five sentences.
It has been a good summer. After taking three finals, I took a week long Research and Statistics class. I actually ended up getting an A in the class. If you ever doubt that there is a God, remember that I got an A in Research and Stats and believe. After working a few weeks after my semester ended, I got a phone call from a friend from college asking if I would be interested in going to Ireland for a week – just for fun. I was scheduled for two summer classes, but I dropped one, bought a ticket and left the country. I was in Ireland with Melissa and Abby, two of my suitemates from Indiana Wesleyan, and Laura, my younger sister. We spent some time in Dublin walking around, talking at Starbucks, resting in parks and then decided to take the local’s advice and visit the country. So we got on a bus (spent as much time on that bus as we did crossing the Atlantic Ocean) and took it to Lisdoonvarna – a small town on the West coast. We spent time in Lisdoonvarna, Doolin, and Galway, hiking, walking, eating, drinking, talking, laughing, crying, shopping, praying, learning, reading, taking photos, crawling under electric fences, dodging cows and sheep, walking along some cliffs, you know… all the typical stuff people do in Ireland. The four of us had not been together since Christmas, so we each took a night to catch one another up on our lives, our hearts. It was restorative, clarifying, and uplifting for all of us as we felt our Father love us directly and through one another. We ended our trip with a few more days in Dublin before flying back to the States. We were all so grateful for the gift of time together in Ireland.
After returning from The Emerald Isle, I jumped right into MasterWorks. This summer my position was Assistant to the Artistic Director of the festival. I also had the privilege of working with our counselors, basically our RAs throughout the summer. I’ve answered questions, written emails, been to MedStat and the Emergency Room multiple times, gone to the airport, bought flowers, and other things. But more than that, I have enjoyed, oh so enjoyed spending time with the wonderful people who spend five weeks with us here in Winona Lake. We put many hours into preparing for the festival and some more hours after it starts, and I have been so blessed to be a part of it once again this year. Today at lunch, one of our faculty members gave a devotional and ended it with having 18 students read a verse from Revelation in a different language – a language spoken by them. Eighteen! We then ended with singing Holy, Holy, Holy. It was the perfect way to end the festival, for our desire is to glorify Him with the gifts He has given us for He is worthy to be praised.
Needless to say, this summer has had, so far, two mountain top experiences for me, and I feel myself turning around to head back down. My head knows it; my heart feels it, and it’s hard once again. Don’t get me wrong, it’s so worth it, but it’s still hard. And after all that, I’m still here in my office, now with two friends and co-workers instead of three, but don’t worry – I’m not still eating peanut m&ms.
Gong show. Dance. Bible study. Theater. Office. Alpha. Rody. Dark chocolate. Orchestra. Bennigan’s. Piano. Learning. Counselors. Fireworks. Quiet time. Work study. MasterWorks Festival. For the last two years I have helped prepare for the MasterWorks Festival, which is a five week performing arts festival held in Winona Lake, Indiana. Over and over again I would hear wonderful things about the MasterWorks Festival from my co-workers, from former students, and from people in the community. I believed them, but I had the opportunity to experience it first hand this summer. I worked in the office as the assistant to the administrator of the festival. I was in charge of all of the keys (student keys, faculty keys, studio keys, building keys, A LOT of keys), helping with the counselors (basically RAs), and tried to help in other ways as well. I learned so much about the festival administratively, but that’s not the best part. I was able to meet so many good people – they were my favorite part. I wish I could have had more time to get to know them, to have coffee with them, to hear their stories. But the time I had with them was quite enjoyable. We ran through the sprinklers around 11:00 one night. Played tag on the jungle gym at the park and then went swimming in the lake around midnight another time. We watched movies, talked, laughed, took pictures, went out to eat, went to concerts, got ice cream, took walks, watched the sunset, and enjoyed each other’s company. I feel so blessed to have been a part of this summer’s festival, and please know, I mean it, truly. God is at MasterWorks, He works powerfully through it, and it was a privilege to be a part of the life-changing things He did this summer. Old friends were reunited, new friends were made, people were loved, and God was in our midst (or maybe we were in His midst – I think that’s a more accurate statement). I believed people when they told me the many wonderful things about MasterWorks, but now I know – first hand.
I went home to Kokomo last week- just to get away for a few days. It was so good. I arrived Wednesday night after having moved into a new apartment that day. I was quite tired and slept really well. On Thursday I vacuumed my car out and my mom’s car too. For some reason, I really enjoy doing that. We also went to this little greenhouse near Flora. It was lovely and it’s such a pretty summer drive out into the country. I love looking at flowers – I love the variety and the colors – what extravagance. We also went to a little antique shop and then to the bank. Benni (our corgi) went with us – he loves to ride in the car. Well, he really likes to put his head out of the window. So much so that he’s figured out how to open the window by himself. Mom has to remember to lock them. We then came home and had dinner. I think I gained a few pounds while I was at home. My mom is a wonderful cook; I have a hard time resisting the delicious food she makes. On Friday, I had breakfast with a dear friend (I call her my other little sister). We grew up across the street from each other and are quite close. It was so good to catch up with her. I can’t really remember what I did the rest of that day, but I do remember we went to the basement that night because there was a tornado warning for our area. While I was down there, I thought I might as well go through some of the boxes that I had stored down there. I came to one box filled with some of me and my sister’s baby dolls. Oh goodness – the memories came flooding back. I remember what we had named many of them, how we would dress them and play house out on our front porch during the summer with them. It seems like those days were not long ago and yet an eternity ago at the same time. I also found some stuffed animals that have many stories as well. Like the calico kitty I got from the gift shop at Riley Children’s Hospital. After my doctor’s appointments at Riley (I usually had a new cast), we would go to the gift shop and I would carry it around until we would have to leave. I liked it so much. I then got it for Christmas not long after that. I also found George, my elephant puppet that I got at the three story FAO Schwartz Toy Store in Chicago. So many stories contained in that Rubbermaid container. While at home I also spent many hours on our new deck reading with Benni. It was lovely. And when I wasn’t reading, I was playing frisbee with Benni. I accidentally threw his frisbee into the fencepost and it shattered into 4 pieces. Oops. Poor little guy was so confused; he didn’t know which piece to bring back to me. Don’t worry, we got him a new one the next day. When we were done playing, I lied down in the grass and Benni sat right next to me. I then watched the clouds go by. Boy I haven’t done that in a long time. I saw a deer, the Grinch (yep, that’s right), a dog, Alaska, and some other shapes. I noticed that it was harder for me to see shapes in the clouds then it was when I was younger. Hmmm…I think I need to brush up on my imagination skills. I could go on and on about time at home. All this to say, I had a wonderful time. I was refreshed and encouraged. I like to see people who are dear to me, and to be reminded of good things and good times. I like going home.
It’s about 10:15 at night and I’m waiting for the dryer to stop so I can put in my last load of laundry. I was just looking up some info online and decided now would be a good time for an update. Oh goodness…what has happened since I last wrote? Well, the snow has melted and Spring (my favorite season) has arrived. I was accepted to Grace College for their Master’s in Counseling program. I’ve decided to start grad school there this Fall, and boy am I excited. I will get to keep my job and apartment (well, sort of – more on that later). I have a group of friends that will be here in the Fall, too. The thought of starting school and not having to move into a dorm, not having to make friends (I’m not opposed to making new friends, but I’m so glad I already have friends here), and actually having some sort of an idea of what I’m doing, is such a foreign concept to me. But hey – I’m fine with it! Oh God is so good to me – all the time. Lately I’ve been pretty overwhelmed with life. I was able to see my counselor last week, and I told him about these overwhelming feelings. I told him that I felt like being an adult was finally catching up with me, and that I don’t want to play this game anymore. George (my counselor) told me that was a normal feeling. So many times, when I have different feelings, feelings I’m not used to having, I think they’re wrong. And then I think that something is wrong with me for feeling such “wrong” emotions. I need to stop that; it’s not always true. For instance, I am finally feeling like I can truly be myself around others. Have I been able to do this before? Not really – it’s a long story. It’s been a long time coming. But now that I can – now that I’m learning who I am and finally feeling like I can be that person – it feels so different. This may sound wierd, but it’s like getting to know a new person. Or someone I already knew, just in a much deeper way. Hold on – I think the dryer stopped. I’ll be back. Okay – I’m back, and as far as I know, all my clothes that came out of the dryer are the same size that they were when they went into the dryer. That’s a good thing. So yes, getting to know myself. How on earth do I go from laundry to the deeper topic of knowledge of self. So I have had to battle these different feelings – the feelings that come with independence and adultness, with calling and responsibility, with fighting for and embracing a healthy level of self-esteem. It was so affirming to hear George tell me that this is quite normal for a person my age and in my season of life. It was good to be reminded that different feelings don’t necessarily equal wrong feelings. He told me that God’s glory is revealed through me when I am being the person, the Molly, He created me to be. What an honor to serve a God who loves me – the actual, real, genuine, crazy, me. Oh may I learn to deeply know His love, and in being filled with that love, live out my redeemed self. And in knowing I am safe and loved by Him just as I am, may I love Him, and live in healthy relationship loving others so that He is glorified and known. It’s Friday night and I’m ready for bed. I might wait and get the rest of my laundry tomorrow (don’t tell my mom). Thanks for listening to some thoughts on laundry and self-esteem. Goodnight.
I am sitting at the bakery in the Village at Winona. I can see my house just up the snow covered hill. When I come into the bakery, they usually know what I will order – a bowl of chicken and wild rice soup. It’s the best. Today I ordered a cup of orange zest tea to try and get me through an afternoon of working on grad school applications. I don’t know if I will go this fall or wait another year. I want to get started, but I don’t want to walk in to this lightly. I was thinking this morning that I really don’t have to go to grad school. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Could I make it without getting my master’s degree? Yes. Would I still have friends and be loved by my family? Yes. But I have been reminded lately that my life is not my own, nor are the gifts I have been given. I love listening to people and helping them think and process through things life brings their way. When I have the privilege of doing this, I find my self thinking, “People would pay me to do this? No way.” It excites me to think that I could do this thing I love and make a living as well. Wow. I think God has equipped me and given me the potential to be a good counselor and help Him in His mission to “bind up the broken hearted, proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners” (Isaiah 61). And this makes my heart happy. So I’m going to try and finish my application to Colorado Christian University this afternoon. I need to tell you about my trip out to Colorado earlier this year. It was quite the trip. I also have an appointment with an admissions counselor from Grace College here in Winona Lake. Grace College is in my back yard – it wouldn’t hurt to look at their program as well, right? I think I will look at Indiana Wesleyan University, as well as University of Colorado. Here are my thoughts on location. I love Indiana – it’s my home. I love Colorado – it’s my second home. I feel that I will look at schools in these two states. I went to Seattle to look at a few schools out there – great city, great schools. I enjoyed visiting that city, but it was much too big for me at this time. I also looked at a school out in California, just outside of LA. If Seattle was too big for me, I don’t think LA would be the best fit either. I feel at peace with this decision. I think God is being so gentle and gracious with me in letting me choose between these two states. So, I should probably get working on those applications. Thanks for letting me process on paper. I will write again soon with stories from Colorado.
